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FHCski
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Name: Erin
Location: United States
Birthday: 1/3/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Spending time with family and friends, helping people, thought-provoking conversations, spending time "up north," reading, keeping in touch, board games, doing goofy "little kid" stuff.
Industry: Social Work
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/21/2004
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| I haven't written here in forever and I was planning to just let it die. But tonight I just needed to write. I have a pounding headache (such that not long ago I was lying on the couch with a bucket by my head because I was pretty sure I was going to vomit)... probably brought on by stress. Buying a new car is very stressful. This is one of those times when I wish someone else would just make the decision for me. I miss that, sometimes, about being a kid. I don't always want to make the decision on my own, but I also know that I need to. I need to be confident in my own decisions and not depend on my parents or my boyfriend or my friends or my sister to tell me what to do. But it would really be much easier if someone else would make the choice for me. Tomorrow I am going to look at a different car. Maybe that will help. Getting back into my car this evening after driving the 2009 Malibu for 24 hours did one thing, though: it convinced me that I cannot just put off buying a car for a couple more months. I actually thought at first that they had broken my car... and then I realized that I just had gotten somewhat adjusted to the Malibu. Not that my car doesn't work, it just... is old. And clunky.
Also, I have had 2 people from the distant past contact me within the past week... it is strange. The fact that they are both guys is also rather strange and it brings up an interesting question of how to handle such things. I guess the first question I need to ask myself is if I want to have contact with these people... and under what circumstances. If I do want to have contact with them, then I need to decide how much input Don gets to have in that. I could see why it might be slightly concerning to him, and I want to respect that... at the same time I feel that it is a decision I should be able to make on my own. It is very tricky.
Also on my mind is the fact that I am not in Omaha right now. Which is probably good, based on the pounding in my head right now. Speaking of which... I think I hear the couch calling me.
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| Argh. Frustrating home visit tonight. It is hard to balance the knowledge that the client is trying to do the best/right thing for him/her -self as well as the kid(s) involved... especially when you see and hear things that are so clearly NOT helpful. How can you lean across the table, outstretched neck, raised voice, telling a tween, "LIAR! You are a liar and I am telling that straight to your face...." And then later to tell me that communication has improved and you are always praising the child and being as positive as possible? Luckily, the child is going to be leaving that situation soon. Not soon enough. If I could, I would ensure that the move happens tomorrow. I don't think there's much, if anything, that I can do about it... but I really think that it is my responsibility to let someone know the extent of these communications. I am not sure if I adequately addressed the issue with the parent... particularly because the parent seems to be in denial of doing anything wrong. As my supervisor said at supervision this week, the parent has to demonize the child in order to be able to live with the situation. Argh. I guess I'll be writing that email now. At 11:05 pm. Good time to be working, right? | | |
| Today, I am unemployed. Did a few errands, went to Michigan Works, filed for unemployment. Went for a walk around Lake Baldwin... and got a call from my (former) supervisor telling me that she was notified that Lutheran won the appeal.
Surprisingly, I have not yet heard from Lutheran. I am not going to answer the phone if they call today, anyway. I am not ready to talk to them. I am not ready to think about it. I am going to cry just thinking about it right now. I am not excited.
I will manage. In time, I will be glad to have a job, and the job I was doing before. It is familiar, at least. And I can keep looking for something else, for something better. We won't know for probably a month and a half if Step Down is coming back, and that makes me about 97% sure (if not more) that I won't be taking that job, even if it becomes available.
So now I just have to get used to the fact that I'm going to be working for Lutheran and it's going to be different and in some ways unpleasant. But some things will be better, right?
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| ... I know it's going to be ending in a couple of weeks. Or, rather, I am pretty sure, but not positive, that that will be the case. Also, especially when clients don't want to share any information about themselves, it is really hard to do a thorough assessment, set goals, and reach those goals in just a couple of weeks before closing the case 3 weeks early.
And I won't lie: part of the problem is lack of motivation, stress about what I'm going to do next, focusing on applying for jobs and figuring out how to get myself into my same job at a different agency, etc.
Argh.
Good thing I am on vacation next week....
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| ...going to Wisconsin tonight to see some of my favorites!
...my work phone being turned off until Monday morning.
...family vacation starting next weekend!
...hanging out with the boy in between all of that. :)
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